my brain

These are all the things I'm thinking about:

~Why does rainy weather make people so crazy?

~How cute and hilarious & how in love I am with my kid. (I'm always thinking about this by the way)

~I want to watch Bravo but my lack of cable is hindering this. I don't know why I miss this soul sucking network so much.

~I miss Ellen.

~I want some new toms. Possibly these.

~I love Christmas time. I need to find a Santa without a huge line to take Beckham too, I'm afraid this one is too low on my priority list to be accomplished .

~We're going to be home just the 3 of us on Christmas, and while at first I was sad, I'm now starting to become pretty happy about that.

~I hope Adam will stay up with me to watch a movie so I can fold the huge pile of laundry on our bed so we can sleep in it.

~I'm so thankful for my cousins. I know it's probably not the norm for most, but my life would just be drastically different and not as much fun without them. So thankful that one of them lives down the street and will email me everyday the whole time I'm at work to entertain me. Oh and watch my child at the same time.

~Adam, Beckham, and I are taking a family vacation this summer. It's just happening. Period.

~I'm also very thankful people write on their blogs so I can have hours of internet entertainment at work.

crazy stupid life

(I saw Crazy Stupid Love last week and now I'm slightly obsessed with it)

Oh life. It is an amazing, emotional, exhausting, exciting rollercoaster. Or maybe it only feels that way if you are extremely in touch with your emotions and have a flair for drama like me. But nevertheless this is how I feel about life right now. I love it and loathe it all at once. Much like I feel about the blazing city of Austin in August.

Adam and I are about to make some serious life changes and sacrifices in order to be debt free within in the next couple of years. The amount of debt (stupid school loans) we have is kind of unfathomable to me and it was just feeling like we would never get on top of it. So we are going to make some big changes and buckle down and hopefully say good riddance. Then we can do thinks like give Beckham a sibling(s), go to Starbucks, buy a house, actually purchase things after walking around Target for an hour, go on vacations, eat sushi more frequently... you know, really important stuff. Crazy stupid life stuff.

Since we've been moving towards all these changes I've just been mentally reevaluating everything in my life and obsessing about it and rethinking it and so on and so on. I think what has made it different this time (as opposed to every other time I've done this, which might be as often as like every six months or something...) is that now I have a kid that is completely reliant upon me and that I want better for. And let me tell you that is a little daunting, yet also motivating like nothing else ever has been before. So I'm wrapping my head around all these changes and hoping for the best outcome financially, emotionally, spiritually etc.

Also, I've been working on teaching Beckham a good sense of humor. Because that is really why we had him ya know? For entertainment, so we don't have to pay for cable anymore.

five things friday

1. I want to redecorate. I need someone to fund this please. Or be a visionary that is inpired by the things I already own.

2. I have been eating one of Adam's homemade brownies every day. It is starting to become a problem but they are just too delicious.

3. I finally got a 'smart phone' and it really has improved my quality of life. And encouraged my laziness. Please play Words with Friends with me: rachielane. But only if you're not an expert and I might actually win a game or two.

4. I've been wanting to go the movies every day, yet have not made it to one single movie. There are just so many good ones out right now. I'm planning on seeing one with my BFFLCs next week. I really hope someone besides my BFFLCs know what that stands for.

5. I tried to win 2 free plane tickets today. I'm pretty sure it was a lopsided deal thus I did not go through with it, yet I still gave enough information that I'm sure to have lots of telemarketers annoying me. I just really need a free vacation to someplace that is not as hot as hell.

little man

I feel like Beckham is acting so old old these days, I mean for a 5 month old and all. Like I can see more of his personality and he's looking more and more like a little boy. The time is going by so fast and he's ever changing, which means I have to be too. That is a little rough for me but I'm learning more and more to be 'go with the flow' due to the two males that I live with.

So two new things that I had decided to stress about doing with him were breaking him of sleeping in a swaddle and starting solids. It is ridiculous that I decide to stress about things with him because it always works out, as do most things in life I guess. Anyways, I do think he will be pretty malleable and easy going like his dad, at least I'm hoping!

Sleeping sans swaddle & paci:

It literally took two nights of laying him down on his back and letting him cry it out for awhile. In fact he is sleeping better at night and for naps than ever. Of course he always flips to his stomach and likes to burrow into the sheet and bumper (which is why there is a bumper on because he had stuck limbs and red spots all over his large head from hitting it repeatedly on the bars), but I just obsessively check on him and he sleeps just fine. This is not 100% of the time, but it is more often than not....at least for now. Oh, and he broke himself of the paci, by screaming bloody murder every time we tried to put it in his mouth.

Since that worked out I decided to start solids last night, mainly in hopes that he will start sleeping through his routine 4 am feeding that I just love.

He clearly has no choice but to love owls since this high chair inspired me to be obsessed with them:

He was a little more interested in grabbing the spoon and chewing on it then what was actually going in his mouth, but he swallowed it all and seemed to be sad when we took him out and didn't give him more.

In these last 2 you can really see the difference in his eyes; his right one is hazel and his left one is blue. They aren't extremely different and you have to catch him in the right light, but they are definitely unique and I love it.

Delicious!

I love everything about this photo:

So basically he loved his food, who is surprised by this? Unfortunately it will be a little while before he can consume some barbeque, but I'm sure it will be a very joyous day for him and Adam.

friday five

1. I took an infant from Austin, TX all the way to Artesia, NM and back in 4 days. It was exhausting and overwhelming and so worth it. We got to see his Gamma & Crawdad and cousins & spend quality time with 2 of my best friends plus lots of other fun people.

2. Beckham and I are already sweating a lot in this town. It's only March.

3. I ate from a taco trailor today that played Bob Marley music the whole time. It was delicious.

4. A friend from high school posted old pictures on fb this past week. In one picture I am a cowboy. Yes I played a man in order to avoid wearing a pink leotard and tutu.

5. Marta and Darby are coming over tonight so we can watch Les Miserables. It is the play that started my love affair with musical theater when my parents took us to see it when I was in the 3rd grade. I've seen it four times on stage since. It never gets old.

I'm going to try and post pictures of mine & B's trip at some point this week!

five things friday

So my sister-in-law, Cari, has started doing 'Five Things Friday' and I liked it and so I'm going to do it too. Watch her not do it this week!

1. I love KGSR. Like obsessed with it. My sister-in-law first introduced me to it as the "keep austin weird" station when I moved here. I love everything about it.

2. Why do infant sleepers not all zip up? The ones that snap up take so long compared to the zipper. I just can't comprehend why there are more options in snaps than zippers.

3. I got Beckham on a pretty consistent schedule and he is taking two 1.5-2 hour naps a day! Just in time for the time change....

4. It has been beautiful outside! We've been taking at least one walk a day and it's been so nice. I'm sad because I know the heat/humidity will be here soon and my child will forget what the outdoors are.

5. I go to Target. all. the. time. It just gets us out of the house and keeps Beckham entertained. It makes me want to spend lots and lots of money on everything they have. Seriously, whoever they have working for them in product design & placement and marketing is a genius. Because I want everything.

Our travels have gone great and we're headed to Lubbock on Thursday and then on to Artesia on Friday. I'm nervous for the trip to Lubbock with just Becks and I, but thank goodness Michelle is going to join us for the Artesia leg of the trip. So excited to see lots of family and friends! I guess I might miss next Friday's five things....

schedules and judgement

I want Beckham to be on a schedule. Period. I honestly feel like if he would be on a consistent schedule I would want for nothing. Clearly I'm delusional. Today I let him cry for an hour and a half instead of napping while being held (which he prefers, wouldn't you?) and then tried to keep him up until what I deemed should be his next nap time. I think that if I keep doing this within a couple days he'll take a nap when I want him too and we can have some consistency. I'm probably dead wrong, because there is a whole other blogs worth of factors that are hindering this schedule.

Which leads me to my next point, which is, that probably every mother that read that paragraph has some advice on what I should be doing differently or what they did that worked or what their favorite baby guru says. Lots of it I would want to hear and could potentially be really helpful, all of it will probably make me feel insecure and judged.

This is going to be a bold statement: I have never in my life joined a group that automatically comes with so much insecurity, judgement, and competition as motherhood. That is a bold statement because I am female and most 'groups' that I am a part of consist mostly of females, and lets face it, insecurity and judgment come pretty easy for us. I mean I thought after social club I could never be a part of something that bred more of those things, but motherhood probably just tops it. Before I had a baby of my own I noticed it so much in moms' conversations, blogs, facebook status' etc, and I did not want to be a part of it. But of course I have inevitably fallen into the trap more than once and its stupid and does no one any good, espcially me.

I get why it happens, because what has ever mattered as much as your kid? You want to do the 'right' thing, the 'best' thing for them and you want others to think you are doing that too. But the truth is no one else has my personality, Beckham's personality, Adam's personality combined with Adam's job and my classes and the things we need to do to make us happy and content people which will make us the best possible parents we can be. Nor do I have anyone else's personality or stressors so I can't possibly comprehend why they do the things they do, as much as I think I can.

Goodness, that whole paragraph just made me exhausted.

Bottom line is I'm going to try and do better to not perpetuate the problem. For me part of that is not taking everything personally and to stop assuming that everyone is judging me, because in truth they most likely aren't. I need to stop comparing and start accepting that everyone is doing the best that they can, including me.

So, we'll see how this nap schedule thing goes. To be honest I'm probably traveling too much to get him on a good schedule. But I would like him to take some good naps so I can plan our travels better, what a conundrum. I'm sure we will all survive and barely remember this time in a year or two (obviously Becks won't care) and hopefully I can handle it all a little more gracefully the second go round.

Here is a cute picture to lighten the mood:

Thankfully he likes me no matter how dramatic I choose to be on a daily basis. :)

rerun

So basically Beckham is just a rerun of Adam 31 years later. Their birthdays are just three weeks apart and they are both easy to smile and laugh, especially in their sleep. Besides all that they look exactly alike. Seriously:

Adam - 1979


Beckham - 2010

Adam Ray

Beckham Bryan

Adam - 8 weeks

Beckham - 8 weeks

I had been thinking Becks was looking more and more like Adam, but when Rhonda pulled out these pictures over New Years I was floored. I hope Beckham is easy going, joyful, hard working, and kind just like his Dad. He does love the sound of his own voice though, so clearly I'm in there somewhere.

the come back kid

I'm going to try to start blogging again! I really thought I would naturally do this when I had a baby, but then I didn't. I thought I might be one of those of people that blogged every month about what my baby is up to (because I knew that was the only way those month's milestones would be recorded), but I'm not. What I am, a person who loves to read blogs and occasionally desires to write on mine. When that desire meets up with the time/energy, I will blog. Today that has happened, lucky you!

So, even though my blog does not reflect it, I did birth a child this past October. Beckham was born on October 28, 2010 (due date baby!) at 8:20 pm. He was a massive 10 pounds 10 ounces & 22.5 inches, which explains my 30+ hours of labor and subsequent C-section. No, I had no clue he could even possibly be that big and had not had an ultrasound since 20 weeks, clearly we will be getting a new doctor. The good news is he skipped the awkward newborn phase and was immediatly cute & chunky and has never, in the slightest, felt breakable. He even gained weight in the hospital and now weighs at least 16 pounds. Other good news is the next delivery we will know exactly what to expect and that child's birthday well in advance.

We are so in love with him and I never thought staring at another human being who doesn't even know what he's doing with his own limbs could be so entertaining. He's currently smiling and cooing all the time and sleeping through the night in his own bed, these developments are very exciting and much appreciated. I have kept fully charged batteries in my camera and have a million pictures of him that I love. So many that I don't even know where to start to pick some to put on here. Thus, I will put one from the past three '28ths' of the last three months. I have at least managed to do that each month; any bets on how long I can keep it up?

October 28, 2010

November 28, 2010

December 28, 2010

I'm sure anyone who is reading this is probably my friend on Facebook & I have actually done a good job of uploading pictures there. Have to keep his massess of adoring fans happy. Maybe I'll do better about updating on here and then I won't be overwhelmed by the amount of pictures I have to choose from to post.

In other news, Adam is still a rockstar at his job and I am back in school. I took last semester off to grow and produce a child and as of today I'm back in class. It felt nice to use my brain for something other than eating and sleeping schedules, but I'm sure I'll be changing my tune about that in no time. I still don't really know how much longer I have, no longer than a year after this I hope. I'm trying to decide exactly what to do about my certification in hopes to be in the classroom sooner rather than later, so things are kind of up in the air.

Beckham & I are about to hit the road like nobody's business over the next couple months. In a couple of weeks we are going to Dallas to celebrate the upcoming arrival of Bennett Bell, then we're all three going to Lubbock to meet our new nephew/cousin Holden Haynes and go to LCU Homecoming, then Becks & I are going with Marta, Darby & Sutton to The Colony to see our life long friends the Featherstons and meet Luke, Jack, & MaryLee, then we're going to fantastic Artesia, NM to have a fun wedding weekend of showers and DIY projects for Mandy's wedding! In our one road trip so far Beckham did great so I'm expecting stellar behavior. I'm sure to have a whole blogs worth of hilarity from the drive to and from The Colony with mine and Marta's 3 kids packed in the back of her Camry. Hopefully Marta and I will return with our sanity in order for me to post about it.

My sister told me the other day that when she is reading she just naturally rearranges sentences in her head to make them sound better than they were originally written. That is all I have thought about the entire time I've been writing this blog and I'm nervous.